Growing up

Yesterday, I read a truly troubling NY Times story about a MySpace hoax that led to a young girl’s suicide. The tragedy grows as the story unfolds. A young woman thinks she has found a wonderful boyfriend, their romance blossoms via email and IM time, then he cuts her off and tells her the world would be a better place without her. The “boyfriend,” however, was the 47 year-old mother of a one-time friend of the young woman, and mom wanted to snoop on this young woman to see if she could learn why the young woman no longer wanted to be friends with her daughter. The mom and her daughter actually laughed to a neighbor that they were going to “play” with the young woman. The “play” turned tragic when the young woman hung herself following the breakup with her “boyfriend.”

What would make an adult feel such behavior was appropriate? To make matters worse, the mom doesn’t feel she really did anything so wrong since the young woman had made suicide threats before.

Popular media have talked a lot about “helicopter parents” over the last year or so. These parents seem to have decided that there is no way any difficulty is going to befall their children, so whether it’s a bad grade or the end of a friendship, they are going to make it their business to take care of anyone who would dare create any unpleasantness in the life of a daughter or son.

I certainly don’t advocate the emotional wounding children/young people “for their own good,” but the fact remains that we have to learn how to interact with people as part of our maturation process. The teachable moments following the breakup of a friendship, or the receipt of a bad grade, are places where parents can educate offspring about the nature of relationships, or empower them to deal directly with situations with persons in authority. Taking over these tasks for children just leaves them without the tools necessary to advocate for themselves throughout later life.

We don’t have a lot of information about Jesus’ childhood, but the mere fact that he came as an infant and moved through the stages to reach adulthood should demonstrate that God’s desire for humanity is that they have time to learn how to live whole and healthy lives. If we are to learn how to love our neighbors, we must understand how to interact directly rather than relying on surrogates who separate us not only from understanding others, but understanding ourselves.